Fit and fabulous

At today's fitness class, Herr Instructor seemed bent on staging a road-show version of "A Chorus Line."

One of my projects for retirement is maintaining my mobility. There's nothing wrong with my mobility, but I'd like to keep it that way.

I approached this project just as I always approach a new project: meticulously. In April, I started asking around among my friends. I was looking for some sort of class -- aerobics, yoga, whatever -- that I'd be able to take twice a week without having to turn into a gym rat.

The consensus was that I should check out the Jewish Community Center on Monument Avenue.

I called and arranged a tour. A young man from the membership department showed me around the newly expanded JCC, from the pools to the fitness center to the exercise, yoga and aerobics classrooms. We talked about membership fees, class schedules and what might work for me. I like the idea that the JCC is a non-profit. I liked the way I was treated, and I like the setup. I also liked it when everybody kept telling me I could take it at my own pace and ease into a program.

At the end of the tour, the young man offered me a one-week free pass to check out any of the activities and classes. I took the daily schedule home and spent a lot of time studying it. Then, despite the name, I settled on the Fit and Fabulous class, which is available five days a week. It was described as a 45-minute "low-impact class followed by a 15 minute stretch."

I dutifully showed up 10 minutes early on a Wednesday morning, only to discover that I was there on the one day in the month when the class was not being offered. Back to studying the schedule.

I showed up the next Tuesday, and -- surprise! -- I really enjoyed the workout. My classmates -- some of whom show up five days a week -- range in age from their 20s to their 80s. Each does what he can, and the instructor intersperses her directions with comments like, "If you can, touch your left elbow to your right knee." Some could. Some couldn't. (I'm limber; I can do that.)

Just about two hours ago, I got back home after the Fitness Class from Hell. We had a new (to me) instructor. No more kindly middle-aged woman who gave us walk-around-the-room breaks every 15 minutes. Oh, no. This new instructor was a buff, blond, borderline-sadistic enthusiast who firmly believes that pain is gain. No breaks at all. Intricate steps that tested my coordination to the max (and emphasized my weaknesses, which is altogether a good thing, mind you). Virtual dance routines, which he would lead us through one-by-one and then string together like some demented version of "A Chorus Line."

Plus, his music choices were all Rodgers and Hart, to a, rhythmic, steady beat. He seemed to want us to be backup dancers for a new musical featuring Judy and Mickey putting on a show in daddy's barn.

In the hand-weights part of the class, I usually go for the middle. They have 2-, 3- and 5-lb. hand weights. I use 3-lb. But no! After the usual routines, he told us to put both weights in one hand and repeat the exercises. All the while he's calling the moves and singing snatches of "This Can't Be Love" in 2/4 time.

At one point he said something about a mambo step. I never did get that one right. But I was good with the cha-cha step. I learned to cha-cha when I was 15, and I know all the words to Frankie Avalon's 1959 hit "Venus."

Venus, goddess of love that you are,
Surely the things I ask
Can't be too great a task.

Don't misunderstand: the infelicitously named Fit and Fabulous class is not a dance-aerobics thing. It's not so much 1-2-3-kick as it is bend-stretch-kick-grunt. The music is there in the background just to keep us moving as a coordinated unit.

At 45 minutes into today's class, when Herr Instructor told us to go get mats for floor exercises, I and about 6 others called it quits. Usually one or two older people will skip the floor exercises, but students of all ages decided they'd had enough today.

I know that I am gaining through this stuff, and I like the fact that they switch instructors randomly, but today was the hardest workout I've seen so far. I will definitely feel this tomorrow.

I hope Herr Show-Tunes isn't the instructor next Tuesday. I can wait at least a week before working out with him again.

I came home, changed out of my soggy T-shirt and shorts and took a shower. Now I think I shall sit quietly and read for about an hour before taking up any more of today's projects.

I've earned that much.