How to beat the heat

The weather here in Richmond this summer has been brutal -- not all of the time, but often enough.

The end is near -- the end of summer, I mean, not that other end.

The heat and humidity today prompted me to prowl around the Internets looking for suggestions on how to stay cool. I made a list, and threw in a few of my own suggestions, too.

Here's the list, in no particular order.

Store your underwear in the freezer. Wear only frozen underwear, nothing else at all, when you are home alone.

Keep your curtains and blinds closed. (In addition to keeping out the heat, this keeps the neighbors from seeing you in your frozen underwear.)

Place a shallow bowl of ice in front of a fan and enjoy the breeze.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Then drink lots of water.

Take a tip from my cat: Sit quietly and do nothing.

Open the fridge door. Stand in front of it.

Eat a cold watermelon.

Turn on the lawn sprinkler. Walk through the spray.

Cook with your microwave instead of your stove.

Read "White Fang" or watch "March of the Penguins."

Go to the park. Buy a Sno-Ball.

Move v-e-r-y slowly if at all.

Go to a movie theater.

Take a cold shower. Stay naked for a while afterwards.

Do not wear a tie.

Fill a plastic baby pool with fresh water. Put it under a shade tree. Lie down in it.

Tie a cold cloth around your neck.

Wet your hair.

Eat something spicy hot. It can cause an endorphin rush that is quite pleasant and might make you forget the heat.

Lie down on the floor. It's the coolest part of the house, unless you have a basement. If you do have a basement, spend some time down there.

Turn off the lights. The bulbs produce heat.

Slice a thin piece of cold cucumber (from the fridge) and stick it in the middle of your forehead.

Do not try to fan yourself. It just makes you hotter.

Do not drink coffee, tea or beer. They make you pee, which dehydrates you.

Sleep naked.